What if...? Being a Stay-At-Home Dad, digging Open Theism, sitting at the Rabbi's Feet & Breaking Bad!

The other day I was wondering, “Did we make the “right” decision?”

This lingering question isn’t new or alarming to anyone on any given day, as it’s the haunting question that everyone wonders throughout life’s crazy journey. Humans second guess themselves all of the time, whether after buying a new car, taking a new job, moving or simply wondering, “What would our world have been life if ________?”

We make decisions every day that have small and massive, rippling effects on the trajectory of our lives as well as minor and large consequences effecting the world around us.  I remember when Lauren and I made the decision to pursue medicine many years ago. We were sitting in our house just 2 blocks from where we live today. Lauren said, “I think I know what I want to do. I want to be a doctor.” After several years of tests, closed doors that seemed firmly locked, the perseverance paid off. We knocked down some heavy walls, kept patient, paid our dues and here we are 11 years later... we still wonder, "Did we make the right decision?"

"What if...?" 

In the last year +, we had a baby girl and moved to Denver. I made the decision to stop working as a local pastor and stay at home with Caroline while Lauren started her internal medicine residency that will last 3 years. These decisions are multilayered that go back to 2008. We sold our home, left our community and unknown possibilities of church planting in San Antonio, moved to Dominica and began a whole new journey. We made the decision for Lauren to have heart surgery 3 years ago when her conditioned worsened, made another big decision to move to New York City, and one more to move back to Austin with our family for the first year of Caroline’s life.

Every now and then we wonder, “What if ___________?”

What if we stayed in San Antonio 5 years ago?

What if we never left Denver 11 years ago?

What if we chose not to undergo heart surgery 3 years ago?

What if we didn’t move to New York City after heart surgery?

What if we stayed at Liquid Church and didn’t move to Austin for that last year?

What if we decided to stay in Austin with family just a few months ago?

I’ll be pretty honest. These questions will drive you crazy if you sit on them for too long.

I believe in both a sovereign, omniscient deity who knows every single possibility of any decision we will every make along with believing that he never manipulates or coerces his creation to make decisions outside of their free will. This position is called, the “open view.” Essentially, the LORD is still sovereign (a big misconception some use against this particular view), but our decisions have a huge effect on the complicated day-to-day issues of this chaotic yet beautiful world. The LORD intervenes, redeems and works with us every step of the way. He's not a clockwork, hands-off deity. However, this view doesn’t hold to “one way” of doing things… there are thousands of unlimited options at our disposal. It’s kind of like the children’s book series, “Choose Your Own Adventure,” but of course, with way more options. If you want to read about Open Theism in more detail, check out this book, “God of the Possible,” by Greg Boyd.

I'm a believer in our choices. So, what does it mean for us to “choose what is better?”

My father in law, Doug, typically gives Lauren and I advice from his father regarding an example with 3 paths/ decisions. You’ve probably heard the scenario at some point, and you’ve most likely “been there – done that” and wondered, “Hmmm???” Someone is standing at a “crossroads” decision, and there are three, significantly different paths to take, but they all look like pretty decent paths. One prays, seeks counsel and weighs the pros and cons, but still has no discerning clarity on the matter. At this point, Doug’s father in law said (I’m paraphrasing), “Perhaps it doesn’t matter what decision you make as long as you seek the LORD and live out His “will” in your life.” And when we speak of “will” we aren’t talking about the “destined road” or fate; but ultimately the things we all know to be his will: a life of love, joy, peace, faithfulness, hope, etc.

The writers of AMC from shows such as “The Walking Dead” and “Breaking Bad” understand this complex concept well, as the complicated and dark characters are always making “BIG” life altering decisions that beg the viewer, “What would you do if A.) You have X amount of food during a Zombie Apocalypse and didn’t’ trust person A on the fringe of “Team Prison?” or, “What would you do if you were Walter White, a brilliant chemist with lung cancer looking to provide for your family?”

If you were Walt, cook some crystal, right?

If you were Rick, take out Shane, right?

Alright, you might not be cooking meth or killing zombies, but these shows do speak to our human will. Hey, “Breaking Bad’s” Walter White, an extreme example of bad going really BAD due to poor but complicated decisions under the “Murphy’s Law” theory, is a man with massive problems that are basically rooted in his freakin' ego. Walt never believed in taking any sort of charity. He made $$$$ as a drug manufacturer to provide for his family because the running theme for Walt is subversively linked to the American man, “A man provides… A man provides" (which sadly, equates to just making $.). I know the example of cooking meth might be far fetched, but the character, Walt, believed that he was doing what was best for his family as he saw it, making hard earned cash. While it’s easy for the viewer of the drama series to go, “Walt. Don’t do it! You are digging yourself into a deeper hole with that decision.”, it’s really easy to understand why he made the decisions he made along the way as it speaks to our every day decisions, both big and small.

The Walt factor that is within each one of us reminds me of a scene in Luke’s Gospel:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. (10:38-42).

This passage drives most of us BAT-$#*! crazy in real world time. How did Mary “choose” what was better, while clearly, Martha provided for Jesus and the disciples and was concerned with “practical” and “godly” things such as serving the Messiah. I’ll be bluntly honest. As a man living in the United States, I often feel the pressure of “Walt” to “provide” for my family in the ways we've been told by society. I often feel the struggles of uber-busy Martha, just wanting to "work" (in the traditional sense), serve others (in the churchy sense) and do what is “right” (in who knows what misconceived and ludicrous "sense") and not appear “lazy” like Mary, who was just "sitting at Jesus’ feet" (...because this "will" thing is often about "pride" for most of us if we were truly honest.).

To sit at Jesus' feet is an extraordinarily profound 1^st Century statement, though. This means to be engaged in discipleship. Sitting at a Rabbi’s feet was a Hebrew idiom for following a Rabbi, devoting one's entire life to his mission. Let me clarify before anyone makes unhealthy conclusions and parallels … there was nothing wrong with Martha taking care of everyone and serving in the kitchen. Hey! That’s what I do every day now (Totally guilty of telling Lauren, "Would it hurt you to put your dish in the dishwasher every now and then?")! The “wrong” was the prideful posture of her heart as mine on any given day. Martha could have made a fine, Pinterest meal, cleaned the houe to Martha Stewart perfection and washed every dish in Israel, but her heart was in the wrong place as she failed to “sit at the Rabbi’s feet” and begin her acts of service with relational humility that begins with the source of every decision under the sun.

This reminds me of the apostle Paul’s description of the gifts given to the body of Christ. We can do amazing things… preach the paint off the walls of a church, feed the poor, be martyrs, speak in tongues, and change some killer diapers (NewRyan'sVersion), etc. but if we don’t’ have a 'lil thing called love, NOTHING matters! Nada! I think this is what it means to “choose” what is "better." It’s not as if the choice of staying at home with Caroline is more righteous than not staying at home. It’s not as if Lauren is doing what I should be doing. It’s not as if our roles were reversed everything would be in sync with the LORD’s will. Whether we made the decision to stay in Austin, NYC or _________ isn’t really the point. The crossroads decisions are all important, and we should never take them lightly. Counsel, prayer, etc., is all good. But the point is beyond the decision. 

The point is about sitting at Jesus’ feet before we choose a path... before we "choose our own adventure." 

In addition, I'll add that the point to sit at the Rabbis' feet doesn't stop after the decision is made. Whether you are a stay at home parent or work out of the house 5-6 days/week, we have to choose to sit with our Rabbi, abide in Him and walk each day with Him.

There are days when I wonder, “What the hell am I doing?”

Lauren asks the same thing. We talk it over, get perspective. Press the reset button and walk on.

Then, I look down at my little nugget, Caroline Jane Miller, and I know exactly what I’m doing even if I'm clueless on most days. I’m sitting at the LORD’s feet, and in this season of our lives, sitting at his feet looks like being the best stay-at-home dad I can be, not for the sake of pride, but for the sake of loving my family with all of my heart, soul and strength. 

Did we make the right decision? 

For this particular season and stage in our life, INDEED!

Believe In Yourself!

Caroline enjoys books. This is good news, especially since mommy and daddy love books too.

Her favorite book this month is titled, “Things You Can Be: When You Belive In Yourself,” by Benecia Aronwald & illustrated by Jill Weber. Here’s the kicker. This book was given to Lauren by one of her best friends, Lauren “Lovin” VanderMeer. Lovin must have given this to my wife when Lauren started her medical school journey. It’s fantastic for adults and kiddos on many levels. Here’s what I love about this book.

1. It’s both fun and deep! I can see why Caroline is fascinated with the little gem with all of its bright pictures. Of course, it rhymes, which I’ve found to be the magic formula behind children’s books (i.e. ALL Dr. Seuess books!)

2. It’s really spiritually sound while not having any biblical, religious or “Jesusy” language.

There might be some feisty Christians who have an issue with its primary message because it talks about believing in oneself and chasing one’s dreams. The “self” seems to be the primary character in this book. Here’s the rub. There are many Christians who spend quite a bit of time revolted by oneself and others along with slaying the obvious consumer mentality of the narcissist western world while shouting, “It’s not about you because YOU suck!!!,” seemingly loving to revel in the doctrine of original sin and one’s total depravity. Okay, there is a thread of truth in this argument. Still, I’d like to express my thoughts on why an over exaggeration and extreme posture on this depravity doctrine and the sheer sinfulness of humanity can actually get in the way of the gospel message (gospel = good news!). To preface, I’m not discounting sin. Everyone would agree, Christians and nonChristians alike, that humanity is prone to wickedness, evil and filth on any given day. Just watch the news, right?

Still, the fullness of the gospel message is about redemption and getting back to the focal point of the biblical narrative vision, which starts with the words, “very good," referring to US, human beings! We neglect to start with the true source of goodness, our Creator, who fashioned us in his image, making us His beloved sons and daughter. We were actually created to do good works as raging love-aholics who bring peace and joy to this world. 

Yet, what many people hear is, “YOU ARE AN UTTER SINNER! YOU ARE BAD! YOU ARE EVIL. SO, REPENT!” (which, in my opinion, seems to backlash and NOT work due to so many kids within a lot of Christian circles who have entirely left the church altogether). I remember kids in Dominica who would shout out to one another with the words, “YOU are eeeeevil!” I would often come alongside these children (whose dreams and self image were typically shattered) and say, “No, you are beautiful. You did something you should not have done, but YOU are not evil or wicked."

I feel like there is a sin management gospel that has been infiltrated into our world that just doesn’t work. We try to manage our sins like a checking account. And, when we do this, we often focus on our dirt and grime while neglecting to see who we truly are, people of beauty! First off, the sin raging, angry "You are bad!" word is simply a bad gospel message, which is ultimately, NO gospel message. I can give you a list of adults who heard a bad gospel message, and who no longer have any interest in the church due to fear, shame and guilt-ridden tactics. Second, the last time I checked even the apostle Paul (who was hard on himself) said, “It’s the kindness of the LORD that leads us to repentance” (Romans 2:4). Jesus is seen, time and again, leading people to change with kindess, encouragement, coming to one’s side and saying, “You can do this! You are a rock star!” Sometimes, the church can mistakingly give people a half gospel (at best) when we say, "Put your faith in Jesus, sinner!" and neglect to tell them to have the faithfulness of Jesus because they are created in His Father's image! One of the gravest sins (according to 2nd Century Rabbi Akiva) is to tell people to believe in G-d but to fail to tell people that G-d actually believes in them. Yes, YOU can do it! You've got the biggest cheerleader in the entire world on your side. 

Our ‘lil nugget turns 1 on Sunday!

 

I’m going to continue to provide a message in our home of, “YOU CAN DO IT!” & "BE the someone you always dreamed you could be" in the face of a world that is going to tell her, “NO! YOU CAN’T!” I am going to err on the side of grace, hope and unconditional love. She will be available to reach for the stars as she was created to shine bright as the stars in the sky. We are going to watch Cookie Monster videos that make us laugh because it's both fun and deep. Guess what? There’s great spiritual message in Cookie Monster’s videos too. Don’t believe me? Watch ‘em… there are nuggets of spiritual wisdom for my ‘lil nugget on Sesame Street.

Keep reading! 

Keep dreaming!

Keep eating cookies with Cookie Monster! 

Keep telling your 'lil nugget, "Believe in yourself!" because Jesus is saying, "Yes, you can!"

ROAR with your Babies!

It’s time to teach Caroline how to ROAR! Thanks to Katy Perry for the means to dance and ROAR! Upcoming album…  #Prism #Stoked

Today, Caroline is 11 months old. Wow! Time flies. I know every parent says the same thing, but it’s so true. I already get weepy thinking about the day she will leave the house. All right, mom… I now understand why you always cry every time we leave Austin.

Caroline is growing leaps and bounds on many levels. I’m a proud daddy. I have the best job in the entire world. I get to stay at home and sing silly songs with my nugget. We have our traditional “Taco Tuesday” at  Adelita’s. I am blessed at the park every day watching her explore, meet new little friends, eat sand and laugh out loud on the swing or merry-go-round. Every morning, we get up at 6:30am, drink a bottle and cuddle in bed, feed the dogs, and then I make us eggs with some fruit! After exploring the living room, a little dance party with Katy Perry or Daft Punk, some stuffed animal play and perhaps a reading of “Hop on Pop”, we take our 8am moring walk where I get to pray out loud and speak Scriptures over Caroline. It’s a beautiful routine… all before 9am!

It struck me today as we were taking our morning walk… Kids in Syria are deeply hurting this morning. Families are weeping in war- torn countries. Children in Haiti and other 3^rd world countries are hungry and thirsty right NOW (To learn more about water issues in Haiti, go HERE! and donate, HERE! or HERE!). 

Many of my old little friends in Dominica don’t have a dad who will teach them the basics of life (To learn more about In.Light.In, the children's outreach program I started in Dominica, go HERE!.) 

Thousands of orphans in Russia are not being held. Many babies in the poorer, urban areas don’t have a father who will rock them to sleep and sing silly songs. A family in Austin just lost their little boy in a car accident (To help out the Nomura family today, go HERE!). The victims of Sandy Hook are still grieving the loss of their 5-year-old baby boys and girls.

I say all of this not to make us sad and depressed, nor to guilt and shame us go give toward a special cause, although these facts should make us prayerfully somber and missionaly active to some degree. I remind us of these situations so that we will learn to be more grateful for the opportunities we’ve been given each new day. Ever day is a gift. Every second we are able to spend with our child is heaven on earth. The glory of the LORD radiates through every meal, dance party, journey to the park, walk along the road and reading session.

Today, pray for those in other countries and families in America who are hurting due to sudden loss or “daddy”/ “mommy” issues. If you don’t have a child, spend some time today loving on a child or encouraging a parent who needs it.

Build up! Don’t tear down…

…& always, ROAR!!!