What if...? Being a Stay-At-Home Dad, digging Open Theism, sitting at the Rabbi's Feet & Breaking Bad!

The other day I was wondering, “Did we make the “right” decision?”

This lingering question isn’t new or alarming to anyone on any given day, as it’s the haunting question that everyone wonders throughout life’s crazy journey. Humans second guess themselves all of the time, whether after buying a new car, taking a new job, moving or simply wondering, “What would our world have been life if ________?”

We make decisions every day that have small and massive, rippling effects on the trajectory of our lives as well as minor and large consequences effecting the world around us.  I remember when Lauren and I made the decision to pursue medicine many years ago. We were sitting in our house just 2 blocks from where we live today. Lauren said, “I think I know what I want to do. I want to be a doctor.” After several years of tests, closed doors that seemed firmly locked, the perseverance paid off. We knocked down some heavy walls, kept patient, paid our dues and here we are 11 years later... we still wonder, "Did we make the right decision?"

"What if...?" 

In the last year +, we had a baby girl and moved to Denver. I made the decision to stop working as a local pastor and stay at home with Caroline while Lauren started her internal medicine residency that will last 3 years. These decisions are multilayered that go back to 2008. We sold our home, left our community and unknown possibilities of church planting in San Antonio, moved to Dominica and began a whole new journey. We made the decision for Lauren to have heart surgery 3 years ago when her conditioned worsened, made another big decision to move to New York City, and one more to move back to Austin with our family for the first year of Caroline’s life.

Every now and then we wonder, “What if ___________?”

What if we stayed in San Antonio 5 years ago?

What if we never left Denver 11 years ago?

What if we chose not to undergo heart surgery 3 years ago?

What if we didn’t move to New York City after heart surgery?

What if we stayed at Liquid Church and didn’t move to Austin for that last year?

What if we decided to stay in Austin with family just a few months ago?

I’ll be pretty honest. These questions will drive you crazy if you sit on them for too long.

I believe in both a sovereign, omniscient deity who knows every single possibility of any decision we will every make along with believing that he never manipulates or coerces his creation to make decisions outside of their free will. This position is called, the “open view.” Essentially, the LORD is still sovereign (a big misconception some use against this particular view), but our decisions have a huge effect on the complicated day-to-day issues of this chaotic yet beautiful world. The LORD intervenes, redeems and works with us every step of the way. He's not a clockwork, hands-off deity. However, this view doesn’t hold to “one way” of doing things… there are thousands of unlimited options at our disposal. It’s kind of like the children’s book series, “Choose Your Own Adventure,” but of course, with way more options. If you want to read about Open Theism in more detail, check out this book, “God of the Possible,” by Greg Boyd.

I'm a believer in our choices. So, what does it mean for us to “choose what is better?”

My father in law, Doug, typically gives Lauren and I advice from his father regarding an example with 3 paths/ decisions. You’ve probably heard the scenario at some point, and you’ve most likely “been there – done that” and wondered, “Hmmm???” Someone is standing at a “crossroads” decision, and there are three, significantly different paths to take, but they all look like pretty decent paths. One prays, seeks counsel and weighs the pros and cons, but still has no discerning clarity on the matter. At this point, Doug’s father in law said (I’m paraphrasing), “Perhaps it doesn’t matter what decision you make as long as you seek the LORD and live out His “will” in your life.” And when we speak of “will” we aren’t talking about the “destined road” or fate; but ultimately the things we all know to be his will: a life of love, joy, peace, faithfulness, hope, etc.

The writers of AMC from shows such as “The Walking Dead” and “Breaking Bad” understand this complex concept well, as the complicated and dark characters are always making “BIG” life altering decisions that beg the viewer, “What would you do if A.) You have X amount of food during a Zombie Apocalypse and didn’t’ trust person A on the fringe of “Team Prison?” or, “What would you do if you were Walter White, a brilliant chemist with lung cancer looking to provide for your family?”

If you were Walt, cook some crystal, right?

If you were Rick, take out Shane, right?

Alright, you might not be cooking meth or killing zombies, but these shows do speak to our human will. Hey, “Breaking Bad’s” Walter White, an extreme example of bad going really BAD due to poor but complicated decisions under the “Murphy’s Law” theory, is a man with massive problems that are basically rooted in his freakin' ego. Walt never believed in taking any sort of charity. He made $$$$ as a drug manufacturer to provide for his family because the running theme for Walt is subversively linked to the American man, “A man provides… A man provides" (which sadly, equates to just making $.). I know the example of cooking meth might be far fetched, but the character, Walt, believed that he was doing what was best for his family as he saw it, making hard earned cash. While it’s easy for the viewer of the drama series to go, “Walt. Don’t do it! You are digging yourself into a deeper hole with that decision.”, it’s really easy to understand why he made the decisions he made along the way as it speaks to our every day decisions, both big and small.

The Walt factor that is within each one of us reminds me of a scene in Luke’s Gospel:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. (10:38-42).

This passage drives most of us BAT-$#*! crazy in real world time. How did Mary “choose” what was better, while clearly, Martha provided for Jesus and the disciples and was concerned with “practical” and “godly” things such as serving the Messiah. I’ll be bluntly honest. As a man living in the United States, I often feel the pressure of “Walt” to “provide” for my family in the ways we've been told by society. I often feel the struggles of uber-busy Martha, just wanting to "work" (in the traditional sense), serve others (in the churchy sense) and do what is “right” (in who knows what misconceived and ludicrous "sense") and not appear “lazy” like Mary, who was just "sitting at Jesus’ feet" (...because this "will" thing is often about "pride" for most of us if we were truly honest.).

To sit at Jesus' feet is an extraordinarily profound 1^st Century statement, though. This means to be engaged in discipleship. Sitting at a Rabbi’s feet was a Hebrew idiom for following a Rabbi, devoting one's entire life to his mission. Let me clarify before anyone makes unhealthy conclusions and parallels … there was nothing wrong with Martha taking care of everyone and serving in the kitchen. Hey! That’s what I do every day now (Totally guilty of telling Lauren, "Would it hurt you to put your dish in the dishwasher every now and then?")! The “wrong” was the prideful posture of her heart as mine on any given day. Martha could have made a fine, Pinterest meal, cleaned the houe to Martha Stewart perfection and washed every dish in Israel, but her heart was in the wrong place as she failed to “sit at the Rabbi’s feet” and begin her acts of service with relational humility that begins with the source of every decision under the sun.

This reminds me of the apostle Paul’s description of the gifts given to the body of Christ. We can do amazing things… preach the paint off the walls of a church, feed the poor, be martyrs, speak in tongues, and change some killer diapers (NewRyan'sVersion), etc. but if we don’t’ have a 'lil thing called love, NOTHING matters! Nada! I think this is what it means to “choose” what is "better." It’s not as if the choice of staying at home with Caroline is more righteous than not staying at home. It’s not as if Lauren is doing what I should be doing. It’s not as if our roles were reversed everything would be in sync with the LORD’s will. Whether we made the decision to stay in Austin, NYC or _________ isn’t really the point. The crossroads decisions are all important, and we should never take them lightly. Counsel, prayer, etc., is all good. But the point is beyond the decision. 

The point is about sitting at Jesus’ feet before we choose a path... before we "choose our own adventure." 

In addition, I'll add that the point to sit at the Rabbis' feet doesn't stop after the decision is made. Whether you are a stay at home parent or work out of the house 5-6 days/week, we have to choose to sit with our Rabbi, abide in Him and walk each day with Him.

There are days when I wonder, “What the hell am I doing?”

Lauren asks the same thing. We talk it over, get perspective. Press the reset button and walk on.

Then, I look down at my little nugget, Caroline Jane Miller, and I know exactly what I’m doing even if I'm clueless on most days. I’m sitting at the LORD’s feet, and in this season of our lives, sitting at his feet looks like being the best stay-at-home dad I can be, not for the sake of pride, but for the sake of loving my family with all of my heart, soul and strength. 

Did we make the right decision? 

For this particular season and stage in our life, INDEED!